Self-styled 'extraterrestrialist' Clement Waster, at a recent press-conference in London, England, has claimed that he has conclusive evidence of an alien presence within our midst. Waster is quoted as saying, “I have firm photographic evidence of an insidious extraterrestrial plot to take over the planet, using the fashion and possibly music industries as a cover. Who knows, within a few years it may even have spread to soft furnishings?” For years, Waster has been gathering press clippings and magazine articles featuring images of models and celebrities which he maintains show clearly 'extraterrestrialistic physiognomy'. Can he provide any examples? He seems to think so, and has claimed that Kate Moss is almost certainly an alien.
“Just look at her eyes,” he said. “From certain angles they seem to be about a foot apart. That can't be right!” Such celebrities as David Bowie also come under fire in Waster's novel theory. “Bowie's definitely an alien. He virtually flaunted it in Nicolas Roeg's 1976 film 'The Man Who Fell To Earth.'!”
According to Clement Waster, these 'aliens' tend to exhibit certain physical characteristics. “They seem to have preternaturally thin physiques, especially their legs. They also seem to possess eyes that are too large, or too far apart, and strangely prominent cheekbones. Another celebrity singled out for alleged
extraterrestrialism is TV's Noel Fielding, of 'The Mighty Boosh'.
“He's most certainly one, and it gives me the willies!” said Waster. When asked if Russell Brand was an alien, however, he replied- “No. Not Russell. He's just a tit. Granted, he has very thin legs, but that is mere coincidence. There's a huge difference between an alien and a prat with thin legs.”
What is the solution to this threat then? Does Mr. Waster have any advice on how to combat this threat to our global security? Indeed he does.
“I think that the only thing it is possible to do at this juncture, is to put our confidence into the capable hands of Noel Edmonds and simply hope for the best. If all else fails, we may need to call in David Icke.”

Commuters on the M4 were alarmed today when they got home and found that when watching the evening news , an amateur cameraman had captured some strange lights on his digital camera. Derek Lube, of Chippenham said “I didn't notice them at first, as I was on a bridge straddling the motorway, and it were sunset, and I were facing west, but when I printed out the photos, there were a strange eerie orange glow which I couldn't explain.”  Several motorists, on hearing this, confirmed that they too had seen a bizarre orangey red glow stretching over the entire horizon as they made their journey home. “I just can't explain it.” said Manny Fenderbilt, a plasterer from Keynsham. “Maybe it was aliens, or an omen from an angry and vengeful God? I can't be sure! Needless to say, strange phenomena such as this are becoming more prevalent every third week on a Friday, and may warrant more in depth research by they scientist fellers.

No Word Of The Week. Excuse Of The Week Instead!

Tiny frogs stopped me from mowing the lawn.

It's true. I thought I'd make an early start as I'd promised my wife I would cut the grass. When I got out there, there were loads of tiny frogs about the size of a 50p piece hopping about. I have cut it now, as I waited until lunchtime when it was warm and they were all hiding from the sun.

Woid of da Week, Ya lousy bum!

Caffel n : Small bag, usually made from jute. Traditionally used in Sweden for harvesting hazelnuts.

You deserve a doodle!

I haven't given you a piccy for ages, so here's a little doodle I did last night...

Word of the Weak...

salacious adj 1 having an excessive interest in sex. 2 (of books,etc.) erotic, bawdy or lewd. from L salax fond of leaping? oo-er! I chose it at random, honest!!

I Came, I saw, I conked out!

Hi, I attended London Underground Comics' Low Energy Day on Saturday, and jolly lovely it was too! A great atmosphere, and I met up with old friends and made some new ones and even sold a few comics. But now I'm tired.....poor old sod! 

News...News...News...

Sorry for the absence, but I've been on holiday-camping in the New Forest-and lovely it was too!

I am going to London Underground Comics' Low Energy Day tomorrow to try and sell my wares.

Just thought I'd mention it.

Word of the Week, back after a short holiday....

radar trap n a device using radar to detect motorists who exceed the speed limit, used as yet another stealth tax to persecute motorists.

(okay, so I added that last bit!-and no- I have never had a speeding ticket, so I'm not just being bitter. : )

Just got back from Caption.

On the way this morning, I saw this...

Sorry, Late Again!

Apologies for the lateness, but here is a very short Word Of The Week:

fancy-free adj having no commitments.

Yaay! It's Word of the Week!...Again!..Ohhh God!!

nebulizer or nebuliser  n a device for converting a drug in liquid form into a mist or fine spray which is inhaled through a mask to provide medication for the respiratory system.  I bet you really wanted to know that!

What-Ho! It's time for, Word of the Weeeeeek!

octuple n 1 a quantity or number eight times as great as another. adj 2 eight times as much or as many. 3 consisting of eight parts. vb octuples, octupling, octupled. 4 (tr) to multiply by eight. ORIGIN: from L octuplus, from octo eight + -plus as in duplus double. Also from cephalopod mathematics. See: Squiddition.

Ding Dang Doodly!

Just another doodle from the back of the newspaper!

Word Of The Weeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glockenspiel  n  a percussion instrument consisting of a set of tuned metal plates played with a pair of small hammers.

Bum Cheeks!!!

Sorry, forgot to post anything yesterday. I was busy attending my son's beaver/cubs/scouts thingy BBQ!  Normal service will be resumed shortly.  Many appelogies for any inconwenience!

All New Word of the Week!

Hello, today I have a new twist to word of the week! Today we will have three words, but one of them will be made up. An impostor. Can you guess which? It's not hard....

perspicacious adj acutely perceptive or discerning.

syndetic adj denoting a grammatical construction in which two clauses are connected by a conjunction.

fumacious adj excessively irritated.

Adoodley-doodley!

Huffin' and Puffin, plus apologies...

Sorry there was no word of the week this week, due to illness, but look out for the new improved version next week!

As I haven't posted much artwork lately, I would like to share a couple of pieces I did recently, in April, alongside m'colleague Sherief Hassan.  I suppose they are homage/fan pieces in memory of the Puffin Post and Jill McDonald, the illustrator. Do any of you oldies out there remember that?  Anyway, Sherief had the idea to get Fat Puffin and his friends to travel through books that have been spliced together by a malfunctioning TOMCAT computer (e.g. Charlie and the Fungus Factory.)  We were hoping for it to be picked up by a publication who declined it in favour of a cheaper in-house option.  Oh well! It's all good practice, isn't it?

It's time for-Word Of The Week!

Hi there!  It's time once again for my Word Of The Week.

This week, the word I have randomly picked from my dictionary is:

polonaise: n 1 a ceremonial marchlike dance in three-four time from Poland. 2 a piece of music composed for or in the rhythm of this dance. 3 a woman's costume with a tight bodice and an overskirt drawn back to show a decorative underskirt. from F danse polonaise Polish dance.

Cor! Will this endless tide of knowledge never ebb?!

This should not be confused with mayonnaise, which is the language that disc jockeys speak.

Just a quickie.It's.....

...The Dali Llama!

All New Feature!!!!!

Hi folks!
I'm aware that I've been a bit lax in the upkeep of my pointless blog of late. Therefore, I am proud to announce my attempt to present you with..da da da daaaah! WORD OF THE WEEK!!!! Did you see that? 4 exclamation marks!...And capital letters!
Any road up, every Tuesday, I shall be closing my eyes and selecting at random a word from my dictionary, for no adequately explored reason. Perhaps we shall learn something or increase our vocabulary. In any case, it can't do any harm. So here we go....
This weeks word of the week is........
globigerina n 1 a marine protozoan having a rounded shell with spiny processes.
2 globigerina ooze. a deposit on the ocean floor consisting of the shells of these protozoans.
Phew! interesting eh?

More Experimentation

Humphrey Lyttleton...

The end of an era.God bless Humph.

Another one...

New Gravey Bob.

Just an experimental sketch wot I done today...

Now there's a turn up for the books...

I couldn't believe my minces. Browsing in the book department of my local W.H.Smith's, I noticed that they now have a complete section with the header- 'Tragic Life Stories'! What is the world coming to, I ask you? Next they'll have a 'Slightly Fictionalised Ghost-written Confessions of C-list Celebrities' section!! ...Oh sorry, I think they may have that already.....Absolutely barmy!

At Long Last, a Post!! My Thing 2008 Report...

And so, it's all over. Our very first table at The Web & Minicomix Thing, selling our very first proper issue of Crazypants! What can I say? It was great fun, in spite of all the hard work and deprivation we had to suffer (or should that be depravation?).

After a mad rush to finish the issue, and a couple of sleep-deficient nights, Raj knocked on my front door at 6:30 am. Despite setting my alarm, I was so frazzled that I was still asleep in my bed. Luckily I had prepared my vittals the night before, and soon we were driving out of the wonderful town of sunny Swindon. (Well, it was by turns rainy/sleety/crappy!)

Down the M4 we went, engaging in all manner of witty banter. Arguments ensued about music, cheese and The Royal Family! Singing and joking to allay the sheer terror of our imminent debut, we eventually wound up in Chiswick. Dragging our precious cargo of comic greatness behind us, we yomped to my favouritely named tube station - Turnham Green.
It was brass monkeys, but the camaraderie of our joint anxiety staved off the cold. After getting funny looks from the other passengers on the Tube (we were talking and joking after all, which seems to be a big no-no! Eyes front, stony face seems to be the default setting of your average Tube passenger.), we had to change at Tower Hill. I joked to Raj, “Shall we go to the Tower of London instead?”. The nerves were starting! So, on to Mile End and we resurfaced into the wet and cold for the final walk to the Thing! Half way down the Mile End Road, I made to turn tail and run but thought better of it. After all, we had come this far. There was no turning back now!

Due to my oversleeping/tardiness, we arrived with barely 15 minutes to spare for setting up our table. Luckily we had perspex dispensing apparatus which made it easier. So easy in fact that Raj sat on his butt eating Easter eggs while I arranged the table!!! I would however have my revenge later by chastising Raj for his slovenly presentation skills!

So there we were. Ready to go and attempt to sell the products of our toil. We had a fairly well sited table, and the guys on the table next to us were also taking a table for the first time, which was reassuring (Hi, Capes & Drapes!)

Anyway, we hunkered down and waited, and waited, and waited, and after about an hour and a half, punters began to materialise. We started to worry, as people were looking but not buying. As the morning wore on, things began to busy up a bit. We got many interesting comments and questions, and the free Over-Reacto comics started to fly off the table. The free chocolate eggs went down well too-it was Easter after all!-Eventually we sold a copy of our first issue! Buoyed up by this, we set about actively selling the thing! The badges started to attract interest, which pleased me, as Raj was slightly dubious about them at the outset. But gracious man that he is, he admitted that they were a good idea after all. They seemed to sell well to the ladies for some reason?!
The comic sold in the end, and some people even asked for them to be signed, which was vaguely embarrassing, as we're sooo modest!

We both had a bit of a chance to have a mooch about, and my bestest purchases were a couple of Roger Langridge collections, which he kindly signed and did a little sketch in!
Thanks Roger!!! (I think Raj got those too!).


All in all, it was a good experience that taught us a lot. Next time we will be more aware of our strengths and our weaknesses and will tailor our table accordingly.

We met old friends, made new friends and got that sweet, sweet taste of the feeling that makes people produce small-press comics for the pure simple joy of being creative.

PeeT!

www.crazypantsmag.co.uk

Hah! Bumhug!!!

I can't stand Christmas, it sucks! Well obviously I like all the eating and drinking far too much, but spending so long preparing for just one day seems ludicrous. As for having to send stuff to people you never see and probably don't even like that much out of a misguided sense of duty, don't get me started! I think I am getting more cantankerous as I get older, and am heartily looking forward to passing my curmudgeon exams in a couple of years. And a Very Christmas and a Crappy New Year to one and all!

...Or not, as it happens.

I am variously busy/lazy.....

Remember, remember...

...member member what a womble womble womble you are! Oooh it's November already, and I really ought to post stuff. I have been working and I'll try to put some new piccies up this weekend.

Alan Coren

Sad to hear that Alan Coren has died. Loved him on The News Quiz-A very witty and clever man and a great personality. : (

As I was searching about for stuff...

I found these very old (1993) Frank Zappa Illustrations I did-just because I'm a fan. I hope you like them.....

Ooh-wah! Is it really that long?

I haven't posted anything for ages, as was pointed out to me by a friend at the weekend. Rest assured I shall mend my lazy ways and post some luvverly pics soon. Maybe even later today!!!

How to (not) behave in the workshop...

Just finished drawing this for my D.T. Teacher wife-for a worksheet.

I Think......

.....I may have been a bit cross when I doodled this?
p.s.I may get a haircut this Friday.

New!!! Brassmeat The Pirate!

I was going to use this in the forthcoming release of "Crazypants!" comic, but we decided that we wanted an all-age audience, so it was too filthy. All the better though, as I can now put in on here! Enjoy it, a present to you on my birthday, which is indeed today! Happy birthday to me, I smell of...............

Goody goody yum yum!!!

Went to see "The Goodies Still Rule OK!" stage show in Oxford last night, and I am still grinning like an idiot! It was Graeme and Tim with Bill on video. I can't actually remember much of the show, as after, I got to see them at the stage door and get autographs etc. and also this photo. They signed the cover of my New Goodies LP, which I have had since I was about 5 or 6. I feel like a silly teenage girl, but The Goodies are my heroes, so I make absolutely no apologies for that whatsoever. : )

Um...I'm still here!

This is very, very old as you can see. I really like it though, and you will soon be able to see all-new Norman Handlove cartoons and comic-strips in Crazypants! Which are a new comic published by Fear The Worst Comics. Also a new website will soon appear at www.feartheworst.com. It's twice as good as great!

I'm not at all sorry...

A good friend maintains that I am too apologetic on this blog, so here is something that took me six months to complete-a marvel of exquisite draughtsmanship (and NOT a doodle!) I think you'll agree that it is a defining masterpiece of the modern age, and I don't regret a single moment of the artistic struggle and physical hardship it entailed. I share my vision with you, humble mortals..etc..etc... (Is that better??)

Doodle-oodle doo!

At least it's new-I did it just now.....especially for you, dear reader!

Another Doodle-Sorry...

Just a doodle I did on the newspaper. Been busy. He is cute tho',don't you think?

Do not trust the Evil One!

I dunno, just a doodle...

This is also me...

I did promise /threaten to post this, so there. This is me now as we speak.
What went wrong?!

This is really me!

Anyone who has met me will make wee with laughter, but this is actually me. I can't remember how old I was, approx . between 10 and 12 I think. Don't I look lovely. (So glad I grew that beard!) Perhaps next I'll post a picture of me now, and you can see where it all went wrong!!!!!

Oh My Word!!!

It's over a month since I made a post here! I'm so crap! Sorry, I've been a bit busy. (Yeah, yeah, aren't we all? Excuses, excuses!!)
Anyway, these are a couple of pics I did as a colouring activity for my son's dinosaur themed 6th birthday party. I promise to try harder. Don't hit me....please!

Doodle-doo.

It's only a doodle, but hey, at least it's new this time!

Oh, what a cop-out! Hair Woman!!!!

Okay, I'm still busy and ill with cold. I have about 20 years worth of sketchbooks I can plunder though, so no need to fret. I shall try to put something new up next time though.

Woooooooooooooohhhh!!!!!!!

Another old sketchbook thing, but a scary one this time. Don't complain, you're lucky to be getting anything at all!!

Mr.Lazy, He Make A Post...At last.

Okay, apologies-I have been busy, but am making supreme effort to post something. Albeit something about 10 years old out of my sketchbook. I am crap.

Yoda Sketch...

Here's a sketch of Yoda I did the other day. I've been trying to learn how to draw him for a comic strip, and he is actually harder to draw than I first anticipated, but I can now just about draw him with no reference material in front of me.
...Which is nice.

My Tartan Shit.

Can't remember where this came from. I mis-heard something and wrote it down in my notebook, and that's a good enough reason for me!!!

Back from Caption 2006!

I had a really great time, with lots of conversations, good food and drink and lots of sunshine. These pics are one of the things I did for the programme and auction, based on the idea of exquisite corpses, as the theme this year was 'Remix'.

Sorry,but I really have been busy!

I know it sounds unlikely coming from the self-confessed bone idle man of small-press comics. I have been away on holiday this week, camping in the New Forest and being set upon by various ponies, donkeys and wasps. And earwigs. And grasshoppers. And the wind. And a frankly pointless inflatable mattress that does more harm than good. Also, I have been trying to finish my contribution for the auction at Caption 2006 in Oxford(See links list for website!) I am getting excited for it is starting tomorrow.
Coo!

How......?

How do all these people have time to maintain blogs? Also, the same goes for diarists. I don't even have time in the day to do all the things I need to do, let alone write about them!
Anyway, today I had a Tuna mayonnaise and sweetcorn pitta bread-It was yum!!

Something New!

Okay, It's just a quick sketch I did today, but I did colour it!!!

Oops! I am a lazy man!!

Apologies, this is old-will try to post something new later!

I Said It Was Erratic!

I will try to post something later today, if I have the time or inclination, but the world seems a bit ploppy at the moment, so you'll be lucky if I get round to it............arse.

A Very Short Poem Today, I Think...

Narcissus

I think that I
Shall never see

Someone quite as nice
As me.

I Hate Bloody Football!!

There, I've said it. I hope England get knocked out as soon as possible, so I don't have to put up with stupid flags on stupid peoples stupid cars. My secret desire is to take my garden shears and cut them all off! I hate most other sports too, so don't think I'm biased!
Rant over, you may go about your daily business.
As long as it doesn't involve flags.

Painter Sketch

Been playing around on Painter with me Wacom-Quite pleased with initial results!

Gravey Bob! - sketch

I've been trying to get a story going for this character for ages, I think I've got something, but It's going to take a while ! Watch various spaces......