Literally two residents of the village of Simpleton in Lincolnshire have blamed the destruction of a wooden-type fence structure bordering their lovely home on U.F.O.s.

Madge and Billy Clement, both of different ages over or about sixty-seven, claim that on or around nearly the 35th of December 2008 as they were returning home in the evening after a hard day's blocking shop doorways and bothering teenagers in the nearly local town of Nuttleigh, they saw inexplicable lights in the darkness.

Almost three other people also reported seeing moving lights on the same evening.

On arising the following morning, the Clements were disturbed to find that the fence next to their property was,

"All busted up.", as Mr Clement so eloquently put it.

"It was those U.F.O.s what done it!', piped up Mrs. Clement.

"Must have been, for definite! There's no other possible explanation!"

Did Mrs. Madge Clement have any concrete evidence to support her assertions?  What were the strange lights what it was that they had seen only just the very evening before their fence went all broke?

"They came down the hill there in pairs, quite low to the ground.  They were white.  It was a bit misty, but I could see them in a long trailing formation, one behind the other.  We didn't see until they'd gone past, but inbetween there were also pairs of red lights keeping in perfect formation, following exactly the contours of the main road.

They're always 'buzzing' us round here.  I can't understand why extraterrestrials would be interested in this area anyhow, I mean, It's the arse-end of nowhere!"

How can Mrs. Clement be sure that this event is of extraterrestrial origin?

"Well, Billy (Mr. Clement.) suggested that the lights might be the moon reflected off puddles or something, but the thing is, every now and then there would be an extra flashing light of an orange hue, and one of the U.F.O.s would break formation and go off in a different direction."

So, what's that got to do with their garden fence?

"Well.  We have discussed the matter at great length and dismissed all explanations that seem unlikely or boring, so the only possible cause we could come up with was that a U.F.O. crashed into our fence and bust it."

The Ministry Of Defence declined to comment,

and so shall we.