A New York man, infamous for his madcap stunts is planning to break a world record next week when he hurls himself about in a giant purpose built drum.  Using the huge device-reminiscent of a massive washing machine- Lemuel Spandex will attempt to break every single bone in his body. At a press conference the crazy fall guy said, “Countless stuntmen have, over the years, claimed to have broken every single bone in their body.  The thing is, they only break one or two at a time.  What I'm planning to do with the help of this device here, is to break all my bones at once.” 

The drum, once started will gradually increase in speed until it reaches a maximum of 3000 rpm.  Spandex's body will be hurled about like a child's limp sock, or an old man's pants being buffeted and slammed into the metal walls of his gargantuan 'Scary-Go-Round'.  There were many questions from concerned journalists.  One asked, “Isn't it a bit dangerous?”, to which Spandex nonchalantly replied, “Hell yes.” He went on to explain, “People just don't realise how hard it is to achieve. The biggest problem is how to break the bones of my inner ear. Those fellers are pretty hard to get at!”  So how will he get around that?  “My technicians have designed a special mp3 player to play death metal at 30,000 decibels, so that should help.”

One final questioner inquired, “Do you not think this is really quite an insanely hazardous thing to do?”  Spandex's reply was a simple, “Yes Ma'am.” 

But you're not worried?”

"Hell, no.”

"But you might die.”

To a hushed room, the simple reply of the frankly bonkers Lemuel Spandex was, “I hadn't thought of that.”