A recent study published by the Faculty of Blindingly Obvious Research at Mandelbrot University in Didcot, England, has revealed that a seemingly harmless pastime engaged in by millions of animal lovers across the globe could have previously unforeseen fatal consequences.

Ever since a nearly publicised incident in 2002, the 3  person team of top scientists, led by Prof. Barry Harrington have been toiling away until almost lunchtime  every single Wednesday to discover the cause of the calamity.

Harrington attempted to explain to us what happened in layman's terms, so that some of our more mentally challenged readers may stand some small chance of understanding,

"Old lady die." He said, making rudimentary mimes and gestures with his surprisingly smooth and well manicured hands.

"Look at picture, head go boom. No more lady." He added.

We explained that mayhaps this explanation could possibly be misconstrued as an example of dumbing down taken a tad too far.

"Terribly sorry," Prof. Harrington continued,

"Please let me rephrase that. In 2002, Miss Lettie Mavvit, a spinster from Byfleet, was found deaded in her home. When police entered her semi-attached  nine up, one down house, they discovered a scene of carnage that would have made even the sternest of heartless sociopaths feel mildly queasy."

So what, approximately, did they find?

"I've got some photos in my wallet, if you want a look?"

We politely declined Harrington's offer, and turned instead to Inspector Victor Vector, of 'The Police'.

Inspector Vector was the officer in charge of the investigation into the untimely death of Miss Mavvit at the time after which it was when was it were she were dead...Ahem.......sorry, I'll try that again.

Inspector Vector was the officer in charge of the death of Miss Mavvit. Oh God! That sounds even worse!!!!  Look, can we just cut that bit and try again?

We asked Inspector Vector what happened on that fateful day. There, that's better!

"Well, when we entered the aforementioned lady's residence, we found that she previously imploded."

Imploded?

"Yas. The body of the deceased was surrounded by scrapbooks full of pictures and newspaper clippin's of cute and often fluffy animules. All the doors and windows was locked from the h'inside, so we was slightly mystified."

We returned once more to Mandelbrot University, to see if the team could shed some light on this macabre story. We spoke this time to Miss Terri Cauler, one of Prof. Harrington's research assistants. Could she tell us what on earth happened to make Miss Mavvit implode in such an inexplicable yet quite interesting way?

"Did Barry show you his photos?", she enquired.

We explained that he had indeed offered, however we had declined as we had recently eaten.

Miss Cauler replied, whilst rummaging through a draw,

"I'm sure I've got copies in here somewhere, they're great! We all got reprints done."

We informed Miss Cauler that we would prefer to hear about the research the team had done into the case, and the cause of this terrible phenomenon.

"Well, after mooching about on the internet for a bit, we realised that there were literally quite a lot of news stories from all over the world, hidden away on the front pages of major daily newspapers. We gathered them all together and began to see a pattern."

She then continued,

"When we cross-referenced all of the data, we found that every single victim was inordinately interested in nature, and particularly cute fluffy little baby animals. They all were in possession of numerous images in their homes of diverse species, but with a preponderance of kittens, often playing with balls of wool, puppies lolloping in an old boot in an enchantingly innocent manner. Lambs, piglets, meerkats and ducklings also featured heavily in their collections."

Just then, another member of the team piped up. It was Christopher P. Ducke, who told us,

"We actually discovered that all of the victims suffered from a disorder that we call 'Obsessively Gushing Sentimentality Disorder', or OGSD. Nobody had ever heard of it before, let alone described it's symptoms."

Is that because you made it up?

"Erm,..yes."

So what are the so-called 'symptoms' of this purported 'disorder'?

"In controlled experiments we showed a number of test subjects a series of images of animals generally considered to be cute, ranging from a tiny dormouse right up to a tottering baby elephant. We then recorded their responses to these pictures."

And?

"They mostly went all dewy-eyed, clasped their hands together and said 'Awww, bless!' "

And did any of the test subjects implode?

"No. But they were all quite young. It is apparent, well to us anyway, that in those with OGSD the symptoms worsen with age, and may not reach danger levels until at least the mid-fifties. This would explain the vast amounts of sickeningly trite ephemera hoarded by victims."

Is there anything that can be done to protect the general public from falling prey to this serious, yet slightly pathetic condition? We tried to ask someone or other from the Government, but they were unavailable to actually do the job that they get paid for, so we asked a complete stranger instead. He said,

"You see, what with the internet, calendars, greetings cards and 'now finally' local television news items, it wouldn't really be feasible to impose a blanket ban on all images of cute animals.

I suppose we could put health warnings on them, but personally I would be in favour of a worldwide cull on cute wildlife, and if my idea were to be taken up by the relevant authorities I should like to volunteer to help out. Honestly, I've got my own baseball bat and everything! I'd be only too happy to oblige!!"

Mad words indeed from a man who cares.