An eminent geneticist has discovered that the average modern westerner shares at least 100% of their DNA with a vegetable!, or to be more precise, the humble Aubergine.

We were shocked by this revelation, and we decided to investigate.

We spent literally five whole minutes Googling, and came up with the interesting facts that the Aubergine (Latin name Solanum Melogena ) which is also known in America as the Eggplant (Tsk! I don't know, they always have to be different, don't they? Just look away, they're only after attention!), is closely related to the Tomato and the Potato.

We also discovered that they are those big purple things that they put in Moussaka.

This posed yet more puzzling questions. How can a vegetable be almost genetically identical to an human being?

As our brains started to virtually bleed from the effort of grappling with this conundrum, we decided that it was time to get the real story straight from the horse's mouth, as it were. 

We didn't actually get it from a horse's mouth you understand, that's just a figure of speech.

No, instead we turned to the geneticist who himself had made these bold claims himself............himself.  

None other than Dr. Werner Humboldt. BBFC. Aa. P45.

We asked Dr. Humboldt to reveal the 'science' behind his seemingly outlandish theory.

"Vot's to explain? Eet's a simple fact! After all, Aubergines are humans too, vy should zey not haff ze full compliment off human genes?!"

Did Dr. Humboldt seriously expect us to believe that human beings have evolved from plants, and not apes as we had previously have come to have been told?

"Vot are you talking about?!!"

At this point we sighed heavily and tried to put it another, more simple way.

Was it true to say that he, Dr. Werner Humboldt had indeed claimed that he, the rest of us and HRH Elizabeth II  aka 'The Queen', were in actual and very real fact related to Aubergines in a genetic manner?

"Vot?!! I don't?.............ABORIGINES!! Dummkopf!! Aborigines!! Now get out und stop vasting my time!!!"

It now seems that a small error was made in this report due to a typographical error made, not by me I hasten to add, but by Mr. Kevin Legbente, our alleged editor.

Named & shamed Kevin, named & shamed!! Yes, you know who you are. Did you hear that, Kevin Legbente? Shame on you!!!

Normal service will now be assumed............