A retired cinematographer has finally put to rest a widely held, and misguided belief about the migrational behaviour of a well- known creature. For years it has been received wisdom that during periodical population explosions, mass herds of migrating Lemons would commit suicide by hurling themselves from Norwegian cliffs, thus committing themselves to a watery grave.

However, the recently published memoirs of renowned nature film maker Clement Weissacher have debunked this erroneous concept.

In this written account of his nearly interesting life, Weissacher claims that a 1958 'film' with which it was what he was involved in, was not - as producer Wilt Dasney maintained - "An absolutely true and accurate depiction of the life-cycle of the Lemon, that isn't faked in any way whatsoever, honest. Really, really."

Instead, Weissacher reveals that the filming of this famous natural history feature, 'What Wilderness?', actually took place in Alberta, Canada, and not in fact in Norway as it seemed in the film.

"It was completely made up!" says Clement.

"We didn't even have access to masses of Lemons," he said,

"We were only given about seven.  We had to use some pretty creative camera angles to make that one work, I can tell you!"

So, how did they manage to make it look like there were vast herds/flocks/droves, or whatever it is a large amount of Lemons are called, launching themselves off the Fjords?

"We had about nine cameramen filming in extreme close-up, and had to just sort of splice it all together. I must admit, although it was hard work, it did look kind of cool in the end."

So how did Weissacher achieve the notoriously climactic cliff-jumping sequence?

"Well, we knew we'd only have one chance to make the footage once they went over the edge, so we set up about forty or so cameras all at different angles-remember we only had seven Lemons- so it was critical that we made that shot in one take."

How did they get the Lemons to perform on cue, after all they are wild animals with little discipline or common courtesy?

"Well, there was a lot of waiting around.  At first they just milled about a bit, grazing and mating and stuff.  Then, after about six hours or so we were getting kind of fed up with it, so we sort of pushed them off with a broom."

So how did they get away with it?  When any half-intelligent person looks in any depth at this story it seems preposterous and falls apart like a cheap shirt made from damp tissues, in it's falsehood.

For a start, Lemons are not even a native species to Norway, let alone Alberta!  They don't herd, and aren't even mammals! And.....erm...............................oh.

This is an editorial announcement:

We are sorry to tell you that our correspondent for this item has obviously made a critical error in his report that was supposed to be about 'LEMMINGS!', Nigel. 'LEMMINGS!!'

Therefore we would be grateful if you would kindly disregard all of the above.  We would also like to assure you that the offending reporter has been taken out and humanely destroyed.

We attempted to contact Wilt Dasney for his thoughts, but sadly he was unavailable for comment, due to prior death.